Picture this: you’re fighting with your partner and the tension is rising between you, then all of a sudden you notice a spark of anger in their eyes and KABOOM!!! A massive fight erupts. Now you’ve been here before and you know how these kind of fights end. Usually in icy cold silences with one of you sleeping on the couch and leaving a crater of hurt that could take weeks to recover from. Hi, I’m Bruce Muzik.
I’m a relationship coach and i help couples to stop fighting, start connecting and turn their marriages and relationships around. In this tutorial we are going to learn four counter intuitive strategies to stop any fight from exploding into a volcanic like eruption and actually resolve the conflict in any place. anytime. A big promise?. I know, and I’ve road tested all four of these strategies in my relationship coaching practice so I know that they work. Here is strategy number 1:.
Imagine you are in a boxing ring. and your opponent is throwing punches at you left, right and center What do you do? Well, you block and you duck and you defend yourself and whenever you get an opportunity you throw a couple of punches back, and they block and defend themselves and you go backwards and forth creating punches. When you’re defending. you are inviting them to attack and throw punches. When you are attacking, you are inviting them to defend. And what most people don’t see is that defense and attack are two sides of.
The same coin and as long as you’re defending yourselves you’re inviting an attack and as long as you are attacking you’re inviting your opponent to defend themselves. The only way to stop a fight is to actually step out of the ring. completely. Try this instead: Instead of fighting be defenseless. You are actually inviting conflict in by defending yourself, so here is an easy way to be defenseless. Find something you can agree with your partner about. Find something in what they’ve said that you can.
Agree with. you might hypothetically say something like yes honey, you’re right. i did leave the car headlights on and the battery is flat. With no yelling at you about leaving the lights on in the car. This is going to completely catch them off guard and interrupt that pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend, attack, defend. It will also sooth your partner and calm them down knowing that you’re not defending. That you are actually agreeing with them. But Bruce! I hear you cry. What if I can’t find something to agree with? Well. then you’re going to.
Try strategy number two. strategy number two is to demonstrate that you are listening. you see, we human beings have an almost primal need to feel heard and understood; and half the time your partner is upset their just wanting you to listen to them, they just want you to hear them so they can feel that you understand them and you care about what they are saying. So try this strategy to make you partner feel heard and understood. When they are talking with you in an upset tone of voice, instead of defending yourself; repeat back to them what.
They actually said. so you might say something like, so what i am hearing you say honey is that I left the lights on and the car battery is flat and now you’re gonna be late for work, did I get it? Notice at the end I put the phrase DID I GET IT? I did this because I want to confirm that I’ve actually understood what my partner says, it shows them how much I really want to understand what they are saying, and it’s also a sign of respect and calms down that reptilian part of their brain that might be about to get triggered. When.
They hear you say did i get it? they know that they are going to have an opportunity to speak and you’re just going to listen, you are not going to be defending. It’s a great way to deescalate conflict. Try it! It works like magic. I’ll teach you an even more advance version of this tool in my Love At First Fight coaching program, which I will tell you more about at the end of this tutorial. Now, strategy number three is to take ownership of the situation and apologize for your part in it. But you did left the headlights on didn’t you? Yeah.
How to Save Your Marriage And Stop Divorce Complete Guide for 2015
Hey, its brad browning here and im a marriage and breakup expert from vancouver, Canada. And in this tutorial, Im going to teach you how to prevent separation or divorce and save your marriage. This is obviously going to be a huge topic and Im going to cover as much as I can in this tutorial. So sit tight and be sure to watch this entire clip, because Im going to teach you things that most couples will never know about building a loving marriage.
First of all, let me tell you who this tutorial is for. this tutorial is for people whose husband or wife announced that theyre no longer happy in their marriage. You may have heard painful things like, Im just not happy anymore, I dont love you, or Im leaving you. Or, maybe theyve already left you. No matter the case, I know how extremely difficult, stressful, and heartbreaking this situation is and I know how hopeless you might feel at this very moment. So Im going to start off this long tutorial by telling you.
That there is light at the end of this long tunnel. with the proper guidance, help, and attitude, it is possible to turn your marriage around despite how adamant your spouse may be on divorce. I know this because Ive seen thousands of so called hopeless couples turn it around and I know exactly how they did it. With that being said, rebuilding a broken marriage is a rocky road. Sometimes, things can get a little worse before they get better, and it takes a lot of devotion on your part.
To make things better. however, i promise you that if you watch this whole tutorial and follow my advice very closely, youll have the best chance possible of rebuilding that marriage you and your spouse deserve. But before I get into what TO do to save your marriage, I first need to tell you about what NOT to do. The vast majority of married couples that I coach commit almost all of these very damaging mistakes. And I know that some of you might be in a situation where your spouse.
Isnt willing to work on the marriage, but in a minute, ill tell you why thats okay, and why its even more important for you to learn these common mistakes before you go down the road of rebuilding a newer, happier marriage. Some of this stuff you may already know, but its important to remember these mistakes before you cause any further damage to your marriage and these are tips that will have an immediate impact on your relationship.
I like to call these mistakes my big marital mistakes. Big Marital Mistakes 1 Initiating needless conflict with your spouse. When youre trying to fix a broken marriage and youre feeling desperate, chances are things can spiral out of control very easily (and I think you know what Im talking about). You think that if you could just talk to your spouse about all your problems and find common ground, your marriage will magically fix itself and get better. But usually, this isnt the.
Case. While communicating with your spouse is important in rebuilding a marriage, what your marriage does NOT need right now is another argument or fight. Even if your partner says something antagonizing or wants to bring up a touchy sticky issue at the moment, do your best to avoid conflict politely. Dont ignore your spouse or discount any of their concerns, but you need to ensure that the discussion doesnt end up in a screaming match. You.
Can say something along the lines of, i know this is a real concern right now and I want to resolve this issue, but can we discuss this later? Try and be as nonconfrontational as possible at least for now until you learn how you can manage how to handle your arguments later. Ill get to what I call my Dispute Defusing System later in this tutorial. If you have any questions or concerns about this common mistake, please be sure to ask questions in the comments section below. Ill do my.