Indian Parents on Love and Intercaste Marriage YaPi
Do you believe in love marriage? Of whom? Children’s or mine? Children’s! I would be happy if they choose their partners. I’m sure they’d choose well. It is common nowadays. Everybody approves it. I won’t approve.
Why don’t you approve love marriage? The way we did get married is better: the arranged one. Love marriage also works out. But I believe it has a much lower success rate. Conflicts might arise between couples more often because of higher expectations. So when the marriage is arranged.
And the couple is guided by their parents’ experience, it increases their sense of responsibility. Will you get married to a girl from a different caste? Mostly I won’t. It completely depends upon my family’s decision. We should listen at least to onehalf of our parent’s advices.
So, would your parents approve? If I could convince them, yeah! They’ll totally support us. I don’t like all these! I prefer my religion. And if your daughter wants to get married to a person from a different caste or religion, will you approve that?.
I’ll prefer avoiding such situations. But if my daughter stays determined to marry no one but that person then I won’t mind. We can’t approve such things. Our marriages are decided on the grounds of caste. The boy and the girl should match in their thinking and if children can bear the responsibility, then we’ll support them; that’s all!.
People from any religion would be accepted but not a Christian or a Muslim! But what if the guy is Muslim and even if your daughter still loves the same person, would you then allow? God forbid! If it happens, the boy or girl would be ostracized by the community.
What would be the reason behind that? I mean there’s a mindset, yeah? It’s not like that all of a sudden you can change the mind and allow your son or daughter to go and get married out of the community. It’s not like that a person of integrity would belong to a certain community, be it Hindu or Muslim.
Love and Marriage Husband and Wife Relationship Advice
Hi my name is John Lund and I am the author of How To Hug A Porcupine and that’s a book about toxic behaviors dealing with difficult to love people. And this is a very important concept and so what I want to do is give you a little background. I’ve been a divorce mediator for fifteen years. I’ve been a marriage and family educator for fortythree years. I was a family court commissioner for five years in the State of Washington determining where the children went and how the division of assets went in a relationship. I’m coming from a position of being very, very practical. I’m not coming from an ivory tower or from a theoretical position and so we are going to talk about some behaviors that are critical.
In terms of helping a marriage stay together. What is it? There is a fundamental principle and let’s see if we can go over that principle now. If I had two giant magnets here and these magnets were of course at opposite poles no matter how hard you tried you’d find these magnets would be repelling and on the other hand if we were to invert those magnets and push them you’ld find t hey would draw together and I use to have a couple of giant horseshoe magnets that were nearly impossible to pull part because they were so strong . The same is true of behaviors. There are behaviors that attract and there are behaviors that repel and we are going to be talking about a number of issues with toxic behaviors so.
Let me define what a toxic behavior is. A toxic behavior is any behavior that detracts from you or some else becoming their highest and best self. That’s what a toxic behavior is now that may sound kind of broad and we’ll see if we can’t bring it into something more positive but imagine people don’t have a hard time loving each other do you realize that it’s the inability to deal with the negative that is the greatest issue that we have to look at and so when people adopt what I call toxic behaviors then it prevents them from being able to share the love that they have. There was a wonderful book written by John Gottman out of the University of Washington and it was called how or why relationships.
Succeed or fail and the irony of that was John Gottman pointed out that unless you have five positives for every negative the relationship will eventually fail. Most of us don’t even think about the positive things that are happening in terms of interactions but we need to look at toxic behaviors. So let’s look at just a toxic behavior and later we’re going to talk about a toxic personality. That’s an individual that adopts toxic behaviors as a normal course of their communication and interaction. So for right now lets take about a toxic behavior as any behavior that for example does not allow you to become your highest and best self. So as we look at that one of the first ones that.
May be the most obvious is going to be Criticism. Now Criticism is very, very interesting. We have grown up in a hyper critical society. We’ll have a lot to say about this as we go through the book at different times but for right now. I just want to point out that it is a habit that most of us have that we are not even aware of and I like to compare that to this. In China they have different kinds of teas that they brew and some of these recipes are literally thousands of years old. Well some of the teas they have now found as they analyze them have in them arsenic just a tiny tiny amount. Well that amount may not kill you but accumulative amount of that will indeed lead to death and that’s.
Toxic and that’s poison and the same is true in relationships most relationships can survive ascertain amount of criticism. They can survive that the reality of that is however no relationship can survive and be emotionally safe when you have criticism as a part of the constant diet. We’ll talk more about this later. HusbandandWife Christian Marriage.