Rethinking infidelity a talk for anyone who has ever loved Esther Perel
Why do we cheat? And why do happy people cheat? And when we say quot;infidelity,quot; what exactly do we mean? Is it a hookup, a love story, paid sex, a chat room, a massage with a happy ending? Why do we think that men cheat out of boredom and fear of intimacy, but women cheat out of loneliness and hunger for intimacy? And is an affair always the end of a relationship?.
For the past 10 years, I have traveled the globe and worked extensively with hundreds of couples who have been shattered by infidelity. There is one simple act of transgression that can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness and their very identity: an affair. And yet, this extremely common act is so poorly understood. So this talk is for anyone who has ever loved.
Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the taboo against it. In fact, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy, so much so, that this is the only commandment that is repeated twice in the Bible: once for doing it, and once just for thinking about it. (Laughter) So how do we reconcile what is universally forbidden,.
Yet universally practiced? Now, throughout history, men practically had a license to cheat with little consequence, and supported by a host of biological and evolutionary theories that justified their need to roam, so the double standard is as old as adultery itself. But who knows what’s really going on under the sheets there, right? Because when it comes to sex,.
The pressure for men is to boast and to exaggerate, but the pressure for women is to hide, minimize and deny, which isn’t surprising when you consider that there are still nine countries where women can be killed for straying. Now, monogamy used to be one person for life. Today, monogamy is one person at a time. (Laughter) (Applause).
I mean, many of you probably have said, quot;I am monogamous in all my relationships.quot; (Laughter) We used to marry, and had sex for the first time. But now we marry, and we stop having sex with others. The fact is that monogamy had nothing to do with love.
Men relied on women’s fidelity in order to know whose children these are, and who gets the cows when I die. Now, everyone wants to know what percentage of people cheat. I’ve been asked that question since I arrived at this conference. (Laughter) It applies to you.
9 Ways to Prevent Cheating Infidelity In Marriage Your AntiAffair Weapon
Unlike what we see in the movies, cheating and infidelity can happen in any marriage â€“ weak or strong, old or new. It’s not just cunning vixens and handsome heartthrobs that are getting in on the action, normal people do it too. Sometimes affairs are for love, and other times, it’s just about the sex. Regardless of the reason, the consequences of cheating are just as hurtful to all involved off screen as they are on screen. Some couples manage to overcome cheating and stay together, but for others the damage done is too much and so they call it quits. As a relationship coach, marriage expert, and author of the bestselling Mend the Marriage Program, I’ve worked with couples that are.
Coping with a cheating spouse. I often get asked â€œWhy would my partner do this to me?â€� Unfortunately there is no one reason for why a partner cheats, but there are many factors to consider. My name is Brad Browning, by the way, and today I’m going to share with you ten ways to prevent cheating and infidelity in your marriage. Number 1: Openly Communicate To keep your marriage alive, you and your spouse must talk to one another. Sounds simple, but I don’t just mean â€œgood morningâ€� and â€œgood night.â€� Instead, have honest conversations about how you’re feeling, what you expect from one another, and what.
Is and isn’t working in your marriage. Equally as important, never hold in your emotions; bottling up your feelings is a recipe for disaster. To have effective conversations with your spouse, it’s important to let them know that they can be open and honest with you about their thoughts, feelings and desires. By assuring your partner that all judgements are set aside, you’ll be giving them something they don’t have with just anyone: An outlet. Being an outlet for your spouse to rant, vent, share secrets with, and explore their desires makes you a valuable part of their life and is a great defense against infidelity.
Number 2: Never Assume You know that old saying, â€œWhen you assume things you make an ASSoutofUandME?â€� Well, it’s true. To prevent cheating in your marriage, you must be clear on what both you and your partner consider it to be. To do this, talk and make some clear agreements on what constitutes as cheating. Initially partners may not have the same feelings towards what does and doesn’t count as cheating. For example, one of you may be okay with going out, flirting around and getting close on the dance floor, while the other partner may see this kind of behaviour.
As inappropriate and unacceptable. Agreeing on how you will both handle other’s advances and how quickly you tell one another about other romantic or flirty experiences can also help prevent emotional affairs. Again, one partner may think it’s okay to flirt, while the other may see this as being unfaithful. What counts as an emotional affair usually varies from one person to the next, so to prevent any sort of infidelities discuss with your spouse what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. Number 3: Appreciate Your Partner.
Take the time to appreciate your partner every day, even for the little things. It’s usually those little things that mean the most. Even when you’re having a bad day, make a conscious effort not to nag or belittle your partner for things they may unknowingly do that annoy you. Appreciation goes a long way when it comes to commitment. Since no one wants to be with someone that makes them feel bad or worthless on a regular basis, expressing these types of feelings of towards your spouse is an effective way to prevent cheating in your marriage. As humans we want to feel loved and valued especially by those we have chosen to share.
Their life with. Make sure you tell your partner how much they mean to you. Number 4: Be Intimate A key to any romantic relationship is keeping your intimate life spicy. This means making time for one another, having sex regularly, kissing often, touching as much as possible, and talking comfortably about sex. In fact, a great way to prevent cheating in your marriage to be open to new ideas and experimentation. Your partner’s fantasies might not sound like your cup of tea, but give them a shot, and who knows, you just might like them, too. Even if you don’t grow fond of your spouse’s.