Okay the next big barrier to communicationis putting all the focus on ourselves. My sister has a philosophy that everybody inthe world walks around like these teeny tiny robots going quot;What about me…what about me…whatabout me…what about mequot;? And I think there’s a little bit of truth to it. And the quot;whatabout mequot; concept can get you into trouble, it can be a barrier. And what happens whenwe’re focusing solely on ourselves are these things. Sometimes defensiveness can occur,quot;Well why did you pick on me, why did you say that about me, well that’s not my fault,well I don’t know what you’re talking aboutquot;. Defensiveness because we’re thinking aboutourselves. We can also have a superiority,
quot;Oh well, I’m better than that anyway, I’mbetter than you, okay, I’m the bestquot;. Also a sense of entitlement and a sense of entitlementis quot;You owe me, so do it, okayquot;? This can create a barrier. And ultimately the ego canget in the way when we’re constantly thinking about ourselves because we’re focusing onevery aspect of how the relationship affects us. So obviously focusing solely on our selfcreates a barrier. How do we fix that? Well, we have to get a little empathetic. We haveto communicate, not focusing on only ourselves and what’s in it for us, but how does theother person feel, what does the other person need, what would it be like if I was the otherperson? And then that thought process takes
us out of our self and we’re able to havemore of an open communication and the barrier is gone..
Marriage Relationship Advice How to Fix Communication Problems
Hi, I’m Patti German and I’m a licensed marriageand family therapist here in New York City. In this clip, we are going to talk about howto fix communication problems. The most important part of communicating is to learn to be avery good listener. Part of what happens in relationships is people start yelling at eachother and no one can hear anything when you are being yelled at. So, to understand whatcommunication is, is to really hear what someone is talking about, and where it’s coming fromwithin them. Is it coming from a place of anger? Is it a place of fear? Is it a placeof jealousy? And to really hear what’s underneath the words. Communication is about hearingand listening. And after you here what someone
what your partner is trying to say, then youhave to understand what’s happening to you when you hear it. Are you feeling attacked?Are you feeling blamed? So, in communication, the most important thing is to become a verygood listener. Again, this is Patti German in New York City..