Communication Techniques How To Save Your Marriage
Hi. I’m Bruce Muzik. and welcome to the third tutorial in the series about how to navigate through the treacherous stage of your relationship called quot;The Power Strugglequot; stage. And if you haven’t been watching the previous tutorials the Power Struggle stage happens right after the romance begins to fade away. Usually ends up with one or both partners fighting for power inside the relationship. In this tutorial series we’re taking a look at how to navigate through this Power Struggle stage.
And turn it into an opportunity for deeper intimacy and connection. Create security and a romance that lasts a lifetime. In this tutorial, I’m going to be teaching you a powerful technique. for. how to cool off an argument when it starts spiraling out of control into a fullblown fight. But I feel obliged to issue a warning before I teach you this technique, because this technique is so powerful, that if you practice and master it, what you’ll probably find is the people you use it with.
Will have a habit of falling in love with you. So. use it, very. wisely. Let’s take a look at how a normal conversation can turn into an argument. and then spiral out of control into a fight. I’d like you to think of a good conversation like a good tennis match. .in that there’s two people playing. And there’s a ball that gets hit back across the net. The ball is a metaphor for the conversation or the message that’s being communicated between two people.
Like in any good tennis game, or any good conversation. when you hit the ball across the net the other person hits it back to you. And just like a good conversation; it would be no fun if you hit the ball across the net and the other person didn’t hit it back! In psychological circles. your willingness to hit the ball back is called your RESPONSIVENESS.
It turns out that RESPONSIVENESS is one of THE keys to creating a longterm, romantic relationship that lasts. That is full of intimacy and connection. Let’s take a look at what a responsive conversation may look like. (Woman): quot;Honey I’m so tired. I had an exhausting day at work.quot; (Man): quot;I understand baby.I guess you’re not so excited about cooking tonight, right?quot; (Woman): quot;Yeah, you got that right.quot; (Man): quot;Well, why don’t we get takeout instead and then you don’t have to cook?quot;.
(Woman): quot;Oh! that sounds like a wonderful idea. Maybe we can rent a movie while we’re at it?quot; (Man): quot;Oh yeah, let’s get the one we were talking about the other night.quot; .And the conversation is off to a great start with both partners responding to each other. On the other hand; here’s what unresponsive conversation might look like: (Woman): quot;Honey I’m so tired. I had an exhausting day at work.quot; (Man): quot;Uh Huhquot;.
(Woman): quot;I really don’t feel like cooking tonight.quot; (Man): quot;Well.why don’t you just get take out?quot; (Woman): quot;Well. what do you want?quot; (Man): quot;I don’t know. Choose something for me.quot; (Woman): quot;Oh jeez, you are so indecisive! Do I have to make all the decisions in this marriage?quot; (Man): quot;Uggh! Here we go again. It’s always my fault isn’t it?quot; AND this conversation (on the other hand) is destined to escalate into a fight.