The emotional affair, as opposed to the physical affair, is really just what it sounds like, which is being emotionally invested in someone other than your main partner. Where you are confiding in them usually intimate details that normally would be reserved for your partner and starting to invest in them that could be through flirtation that gives you a feeling of gratification that normally would come from your partner. The emotional energy that it takes to keep a stable longterm relationship going that becomes invested in somebody else.
Is essentially being siphoned off from your main partner. they often do turn into a physical affair. Theyre often just sort of the gateway on the way there. Youre not telling your partner what you feel about this other person. So it is a secret. It is a betrayal because you know that if your partner could see what you are doing with this other person they would be hurt. They would take it as a betrayal. Its healthy to at times have a thought about someone else. But this now becomes not just about thoughts.
This becomes about actions. so, you know, you are saying sure yeah lets have a drink after work or youre touching their arm or youre thinking Im going to wear this sexy outfit to work today because Im going to see so and so and really hoping that theyre going to notice and then, you know, were going to have a little flirtation and Im going to get some of that great feeling that I get when they have a response to me. So one of the more common stories for couples coming in to see me where something like this.
Has gone on is it started with i contacted or was contacted by an old boyfriend or girlfriend on Facebook. Super common. Seems like it should be innocent but its kind of cool. And then you get that little Oh, that feels nice! And you start interacting with them. And because its by computer you feel like its safe, right. Im not seeing them. Im not physically with them. But youre tossing a little something out. Theyre tossing a little something out and it becomes this slippery slope. Not that you can never talk to somebody who was.
Ever in your past before but if youre going to no flirting, no seduction, no complaining about your current relationship. That is hugely important. Stay away from alcohol with people that something might be a little bit starting with because when inhibitions come down thats when problems get started. Think about what you would be hurt by if your spouse were doing the same thing with somebody else. And then also think about is there something youre looking for that is drawing you to.